Okay. So after my talk with Judy two weeks ago, some things have happened. I won't get into specifics but it was enough to freak me out and contact Christine for help.
Let's just say there was some spiritual tension going on. Christine told me they had also attacked her, which freaked me out as well! As you can see I'm kind of a fraidy cat.
Apparently, the spirits in my house are in unrest because they know they are leaving because I figured out what was making my mother so bitter. Well good, leave already! But no, they must cause lots of problems first! Christine told me they are just child-like tricks and that God is much much greater than them, but I'm officially one of those people who scare easy. Christine also gave me some prayers of protection to help cleanse my house.
I'm glad the spirits in my home are finally leaving, but I'm still conflicted over what I have to do. Which implies talking to my mother...
Last week at church, our testimonial was on "Convictions" that God gives us. Basically, he tells us to do something and we do it! Well they are hard to fulfill and most time you don't want to do it. This seems like another nudge for me to do it and get it over with. Thanks God. I get it. Once again he reaffirms what I have to do. I really don't know about this!
-Angela
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Fish and Twelve Years
A few weeks ago I had a dream about my mother. She had a large fish tank that had lots of orange yellow fish. Twelve years ago she put a heavy black plastic tarp over half the fish in the tank. Twelve years later I remove the plastic and look at the fish inside. They have turned white, skeletal and quite large. Compared to the healthy orange fish on the other side of the tank these white ones looked mutated. They looked dangerous and had oily blotches on their skin. Soon they started to join together again...but I am unsure what happens when they meet the healthy fish. Either they live to co-exist or they destroy them...
After talking to Judy about my dream, I think it means I should help her in some way. However, I also learned things about my mother that I did not know about. Certain things have changed all my opinions about who she is.
The relationship between me and my mother has been very difficult for a long time. I really have no intention of making things better. In my mind if I left her alone, she'd leave me alone. I am trying hard to forgive and forget, but I am not at that point right now.
God has given me a difficult task...
-Angela
After talking to Judy about my dream, I think it means I should help her in some way. However, I also learned things about my mother that I did not know about. Certain things have changed all my opinions about who she is.
The relationship between me and my mother has been very difficult for a long time. I really have no intention of making things better. In my mind if I left her alone, she'd leave me alone. I am trying hard to forgive and forget, but I am not at that point right now.
God has given me a difficult task...
-Angela
Sunday, April 10, 2011
He is...
I'm on...
The quest to find who He is
What He has been
What He was to everyone in the world
From what i know about him.
He IS
The Kind and gentle God - always have patience, rarely does he run out of patience, but there are those days. (yes He yelled at me before) When He shows temper, it is to build me on the correct mind set and destroy my looping negative thoughts. He rarely shouts, if he does, something serious is going on. Very... very serious. (such as someone's life is in danger)
The merciful God- always forgives quickly. I find myself slower at forgiving myself than He does forgiving me.
A Clean God- meaning he does not like to be mixed up amongst other deities, though he acknowledge their existence and respects their boundary. (like He respects mine...) So far in my personal knowledge.... He does not bother them unless He needs to free someone.
Non-exclusive God- I never heard of Him speaking ill of any other religion or people group. (at least i don't remember any) In fact He still sees His own life, and light in everyone, whether they know his name/being or not, He still considers them His children, it is His desire that his children would know him better, those who treasure life, love life, save lives, are considered by Him to be a part of Him. As for those who are against Him, there's only sadness, as if grieving a lost child. When I view online forums seeing people who fight about religion, pro or anti- that's all i could felt from Him. Just a speechless sadness.
Inclusive- He once told me "illustrate every part of life, including those that are dark. That's part of me too. Illustrate the whole spectrum. That's life. And Life is in me."
A God of principles- He never stresses right or wrong to me. But He asks me to follow good principles, such as giving, and asks me to avoid the trap of the money world and its trend. He loves lives, experience lives as we live.
Unpredictable- His way is wild, his method has reason in madness. His way and personality, the most consistent. He likes to challenge me to do things i don't feel comfortable doing. Lead me on a path that's off the main road but I have a happier time traveling in.
Passionate- He likes to share things with me, when i am ready to listen. He can talk for a long time until i fall asleep. (i can't always recall what He shared. lol) He loves to invite people to enjoy their life with Him.
Poetic/artistic- Yes, He likes to talk in riddles, rhymes, poetry, music, surreal dream messages with symbolism....
Beauty- He sees beauty in all forms of lives, and those that are dark and far away from him, He does see them as destroyable items, however He still sees the every little bit of the good in a person we would call evil.
Wise- He often gives me solutions to things i have to do. I think i am dumber without him.
Powerful- Healing or making things work together is His best ability. He also likes to warn, tell his people of the troubles that might come ahead so they can prepare to face it. However, He likes his people being able to take care of themselves, He does not give power without the person working at it.
Visionary- He sees far, big, very far....but he still knows immediate needs and fullfills them if I asks. (such as a job... XD)
Collaborative- He loves participation, He also rather not do anything amongst people if people did not ask him to.
Boundary- He is a God of boundary, He knows my boundary and will not cross it unless I allow him, He also sets boundary for me to follow if I agree.
A Judge of the heart, not always by action- on the issue of gay/homosexuals/trans/bi, He does not look at them with those labels, in fact he never refers to them as such. He just sees His children who felt they have something wrong about themselves, He accepts them just as they are.
A perfectionist- His sense of perfection includes imperfection and the possibility of change. What we view as imperfect does not mean the same to him as to us.
Funny- He does tell jokes, cease the moment, and make you laugh. He brings spirit of joy, tickle you, make you laugh to the floor, He also shows funny visions.
Helpful- He showed me in vision how to find my cup once. (and helped me to locate items, or find where i am when i am lost- if i am sharp enough)
Originally i was going to lock this post in my other private blog somewhere.... but He asks me to share it here. So this is the God i have experienced so far.
The quest to find who He is
What He has been
What He was to everyone in the world
From what i know about him.
He IS
The Kind and gentle God - always have patience, rarely does he run out of patience, but there are those days. (yes He yelled at me before) When He shows temper, it is to build me on the correct mind set and destroy my looping negative thoughts. He rarely shouts, if he does, something serious is going on. Very... very serious. (such as someone's life is in danger)
The merciful God- always forgives quickly. I find myself slower at forgiving myself than He does forgiving me.
A Clean God- meaning he does not like to be mixed up amongst other deities, though he acknowledge their existence and respects their boundary. (like He respects mine...) So far in my personal knowledge.... He does not bother them unless He needs to free someone.
Non-exclusive God- I never heard of Him speaking ill of any other religion or people group. (at least i don't remember any) In fact He still sees His own life, and light in everyone, whether they know his name/being or not, He still considers them His children, it is His desire that his children would know him better, those who treasure life, love life, save lives, are considered by Him to be a part of Him. As for those who are against Him, there's only sadness, as if grieving a lost child. When I view online forums seeing people who fight about religion, pro or anti- that's all i could felt from Him. Just a speechless sadness.
Inclusive- He once told me "illustrate every part of life, including those that are dark. That's part of me too. Illustrate the whole spectrum. That's life. And Life is in me."
A God of principles- He never stresses right or wrong to me. But He asks me to follow good principles, such as giving, and asks me to avoid the trap of the money world and its trend. He loves lives, experience lives as we live.
Unpredictable- His way is wild, his method has reason in madness. His way and personality, the most consistent. He likes to challenge me to do things i don't feel comfortable doing. Lead me on a path that's off the main road but I have a happier time traveling in.
Passionate- He likes to share things with me, when i am ready to listen. He can talk for a long time until i fall asleep. (i can't always recall what He shared. lol) He loves to invite people to enjoy their life with Him.
Poetic/artistic- Yes, He likes to talk in riddles, rhymes, poetry, music, surreal dream messages with symbolism....
Beauty- He sees beauty in all forms of lives, and those that are dark and far away from him, He does see them as destroyable items, however He still sees the every little bit of the good in a person we would call evil.
Wise- He often gives me solutions to things i have to do. I think i am dumber without him.
Powerful- Healing or making things work together is His best ability. He also likes to warn, tell his people of the troubles that might come ahead so they can prepare to face it. However, He likes his people being able to take care of themselves, He does not give power without the person working at it.
Visionary- He sees far, big, very far....but he still knows immediate needs and fullfills them if I asks. (such as a job... XD)
Collaborative- He loves participation, He also rather not do anything amongst people if people did not ask him to.
Boundary- He is a God of boundary, He knows my boundary and will not cross it unless I allow him, He also sets boundary for me to follow if I agree.
A Judge of the heart, not always by action- on the issue of gay/homosexuals/trans/bi, He does not look at them with those labels, in fact he never refers to them as such. He just sees His children who felt they have something wrong about themselves, He accepts them just as they are.
A perfectionist- His sense of perfection includes imperfection and the possibility of change. What we view as imperfect does not mean the same to him as to us.
Funny- He does tell jokes, cease the moment, and make you laugh. He brings spirit of joy, tickle you, make you laugh to the floor, He also shows funny visions.
Helpful- He showed me in vision how to find my cup once. (and helped me to locate items, or find where i am when i am lost- if i am sharp enough)
Originally i was going to lock this post in my other private blog somewhere.... but He asks me to share it here. So this is the God i have experienced so far.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Be in the center and dance
I saw my position right in the center of the whole room. *Thank God my mom Tina was right next to me. XD
It was more uncomfortable placing a seat there than kneeling, than dancing there.
I was nervous enough to tremble. I wasn't able to leave my chair there. I returned where I was before the exercise after.
I have made so many mistakes and caused so many troubles with my gifts before, I prefer to not stand out. Especially in Church and school. Yet He would challenge me: "You are in the limelight outside in the world, how come you don't want to be in the limelight in church?"
Well that hit the nail.
I can do public speaking in convention, with a room full of 50 people or more about animation, I can go out and talk to my fans and do very well advertising for my work, organize more than 20 people to put together my project. But I rather be passive about using my gifts for the church.
I just want to be the soldier that I said I would like to be, so I follow every prompting He gave me this Sunday, no matter how uncomfortable it is.
A soldier follows the Command 100%, to get the mission completed. I am working toward that. I know i haven't reached it yet.
So far, the hardest would be to join the prayer meeting regularly for me.
God's message seems to have changed from "Talk to me, tell me what your heart desires" to "Dance with me, enjoy the moment with me."
Exodus 15:19-21
For the horse of Pharaoh went in with his chariots and with his horsemen into the sea, and the LORD brought again the waters of the sea upon them; but the children of Israel went on dry land in the midst of the sea. And Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took a timbrel in her hand; and all the women went out after her with timbrels and with dances. And Miriam answered them, Sing ye to the LORD, for he hath triumphed gloriously; the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea.
Psalm 30:11
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
Jeremiah 3:31-3-5
"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful."
I hope everyone will eventually loosen up and join God's jolly self and enjoy Him. I know it's a challenge, and it's awkward for some, who's not used to it.
It will take a while, but just a little steps would help. His invitation is not just for those of us who look charismatic, but for everyone.
Imagine an being of light stands in front of you and invite you to dance with a smile on His face, and this person has watched you, cared for you every waking, sleeping moment of your life. And He just want to enjoy this moment with you.
It's rather romantic. XD
Angels
Yesterday at church, God blessed me with more visions. It all started when we were praying in a circle for Matthew, who had happened to be the only musician that day. As we were praying, God showed me a few people in the circle with wings on their back. They were different colored, different sizes and all reflected a different personality of the person (I think). I saw my wings were white, but with black feathers on the bottom half. These feathers were falling out. I also had one large red feather in the mix.
At first I didn't think it was right. Angels had wings, not people. I've only recently started to listen to him, but sometimes I'm not sure if its him saying things or if its randomness erupting in my mind. I'm pretty sure now that EVERYTHING is what he wants me to see.
Anyway, as the service continued Christine asked us to get up and change seats, because God wanted us to be placed in different seats that day. I immediately had an urge to sit on the other side of the room. So I did. I think I was the only one to change seats though... I sat next to Judy. She sat next to me and held my hand tightly. For whatever reason, I was then overcome with emotions and tears. Then she told me she saw feathers and me in a red robe. I started to weep again, because I was so touched that God would show us both similar visions because I doubted mine. Affirmation was what it was. I am truly blessed to have such a spiritual environment that helps build my relationship with God.
He showed me several people's wings that day too. Not everyone's just a couple of people's. One had large plum rose colored wings, another were strong speckled brown and white, another ivory with silver, and another small golden wings. Everyone's was different and unique...I'm a little nervous to say names, but I will tell them all next week in person.
God also said to me something along the lines of, "your voice is small, but I will make it great"
I think God is slowly changing my heart and the way I go about things. I'm much happier in how I live because I live with him watching over me and everyone. He offered me a new heart, I saw it as a heart within a crown. But he would slowly change me, so I can get used to it. My fire will spread and soon I will be filled with that fire. I am living each day for that promise.
-Angela
At first I didn't think it was right. Angels had wings, not people. I've only recently started to listen to him, but sometimes I'm not sure if its him saying things or if its randomness erupting in my mind. I'm pretty sure now that EVERYTHING is what he wants me to see.
Anyway, as the service continued Christine asked us to get up and change seats, because God wanted us to be placed in different seats that day. I immediately had an urge to sit on the other side of the room. So I did. I think I was the only one to change seats though... I sat next to Judy. She sat next to me and held my hand tightly. For whatever reason, I was then overcome with emotions and tears. Then she told me she saw feathers and me in a red robe. I started to weep again, because I was so touched that God would show us both similar visions because I doubted mine. Affirmation was what it was. I am truly blessed to have such a spiritual environment that helps build my relationship with God.
He showed me several people's wings that day too. Not everyone's just a couple of people's. One had large plum rose colored wings, another were strong speckled brown and white, another ivory with silver, and another small golden wings. Everyone's was different and unique...I'm a little nervous to say names, but I will tell them all next week in person.
God also said to me something along the lines of, "your voice is small, but I will make it great"
I think God is slowly changing my heart and the way I go about things. I'm much happier in how I live because I live with him watching over me and everyone. He offered me a new heart, I saw it as a heart within a crown. But he would slowly change me, so I can get used to it. My fire will spread and soon I will be filled with that fire. I am living each day for that promise.
-Angela
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)