Upon driving back from cell group, I realized...
How often do I say "I do this because God does this for me."
"I do this because God wants me to..."
Fairly often these days... even when I can't say it, i utter it in my mind...
Not "I do this because my father did it for me."
Not really from "because my mom inspired me."
Though they both did inspire me later in life, but when I was alone it was God that was my Father, mother, nanny, teacher, coach... leader, boss.
Occasionally I would quote my dad, my mom, I admire what they do and I really start liking them after they step into what God called them to do in their lives... I enjoyed most of that, even when we only had 150 dollars to eat as a whole family for a week, only can soup and bread on the table. I was happy anyway because they are home all day, no longer stressing out with complex business relationships, on long trips away from home.
My parents are.... another human beings that are here to help me, bless me, and they have their goodness and flaws, but they are the ones who can give me a hug to encourage me, correct me when I can't hear properly from the Lord and keep me in check. It's more often I am in the wrong when I clash with my parents. lol They are pretty righteous..... OTL
God is my Father, all except that He does not manifest to me physically... He's there spiritually with me all the time.
I say thanks for the littlest thing I can think of to my friends because that's what God taught me. He does that to me ALL the time, when I do little things, even when I expressed the right thoughts... He did it so much to me that I copied his model. Now everytime I do the same I think of Him.
I stay quiet now when my brothers offer criticism because that's what God told me to do, to take it as care not as attack.
"You think he's out there to point out your flaws when he's just stating the fact, that's the way he is."
.... that has successfully stopped me from being defensive all the time. lol~ Thank God. XD
We used to fight everytime for the same reason. I did some task, he told me what's wrong with it, and I get defensive and attack back at him, and he attacks back and we always end on sour note.
I learned to leave a job because God told me its ok to exit.
I learned about my blind spot in being me, what I don't know about myself from God...
"When you cook... what do you do after you finish your dish?
You add salt, pepper, and spices to it for yourself. Why don't you add it in the first place?"
I literally went and did a poll online on how many people can take spicy food after... the result was surprising to me, more people likes spicy food like me than I thought! lol
As for my art... I had a blockage for a long time for my own work... though I lack very little in technique practices, I just can't seem to push to the next level... it frustrated me for a few years but He had not say anything because I thought I would be fine in the pursue of necessary skill... until recently I really felt like I hit a wall, and turned to him.
"I feel i really lack the direction on my art (illustration wise)"
"What do you like? Don't you like the little moments with emotions you draw so well? What's wrong with it being 20 minutes pieces? You can achieve the same result on popularity as those who spent 20 hours... why is it bad? You also like to bring a new world to people. Why don't you combine them?"
When I brought up the problems with my art studies...
"I feel like if i keep copying... i can do well temporarily, but it feels like I am just copying... I am under someone's shadow. I am looking like everyone else... but it's important to have that kind of skills... so why do i feel wrong about it?"
"Because you don't like those artists that much. The ones you truly like... have you gotten tired of their work?"
Hit the nail on the head, in my mind I felt like I have a break through already... but I need to see it manifest.
